


Would You Be So Kind?

by SimplyforNardo



Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Dissociation, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, Leo-centric - Freeform, Other, POV Outsider, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to attempted murder, T////c///e/st do not interact
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25309060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimplyforNardo/pseuds/SimplyforNardo
Summary: Sometimes his thoughts think on their own.Raphael sometimes wishes Doctor Feelings would focus more on logic then the 'feelings' part.Michelangelo just wants his brothers to give Draxum a chance.Sometimes Donatello wishes he was Doctor Feelings.And God, Leonardo just wants his brothers to come home already.Takes place during Repairin' the Baron
Relationships: April O'Neil & Splinter (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 146





	Would You Be So Kind?

**Author's Note:**

> Ways to contact me:  
> Tumblr: SimplyforNardo  
> Discord: Mason 🐢 #5905
> 
> Warnings: PTSD, dissociation, panic attacks, mentions of blood, pus, references to attempted murder, nightmares, Hurt/comfort, heavy angst.
> 
> T////c//es///t do NOT interact. 
> 
> Medic Leo is a headcanon I will die for and no one can change my mind.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

"Oh they're here!" Mikey's optimistic voice chimes up catching his oldest brother's attention. _Who_ was here?

Mikey answers the unspoken question by opening the door for their invited guest and only felt dismay when pops, and his two other brothers burst through the door; all dressed in fancy casual clothing, Leo and Donnie were matching but there was no surprise there.

But they were clearly expecting an entirely different scenario- if his father's reaction had anything to say about it, "nice to finally meet you Mr. And Mrs. O'nei- _what is this?"_ His father snarls and when April slides her input into the commotion and explains what's _really_ going on and the way Donnie begrudgingly so handed Leo two twenty dollar bills.

So his pops and Donnie weren't expecting this. 

Mikey hops around in the oversized dinosaur, dragon suit he was wearing, going on about how if they give Draxum a second chance they'll see a change for the better- or as how Mikey so _lovingly_ put it: "knee deep in sunshine!"

The way his pops just glares at Draxum from across the room. _If looks could kill._

Donnie and Leo both share an uncertain almost terrified look with each other- one he would most definitely be addressing later but it was one he understood the most. They had no reason to trust Draxum and frankly, Raph didn't either.

But there was no way he was ever going to leave Mikey alone with the yokai- he had already messed up on that. Who knows how long Mikey has been hanging around him- another thing he would be addressing later, he makes a note to self.

They all sat for dinner and the tension was almost suffocating. 

Mikey tries to lighten the mood by asking, "when was the last time we all go together like this?" And Leo made a comment about Draxum dropping him off of the Nexus Hotel's roof. And maybe that's when Raph should have started paying attention to Leo more throughout dinner.

Maybe he would have noticed the shaking fingertips, the eyes darting around the room or the cold sweat that settled over his younger brother's skin.

It's not even half an hour into their dinner when their pops finally loses it- snapping at Draxum about mutating creamed corn then how Draxum mutated him. The yelling upsetting Mikey and he states a bit too optimistically that Draxum was _family_.

The look of shocked, then hurt that flashed across his father's face was too much to handle for Raph. So he looks away turning to Donatello who just looks pissed off at that statement and then Leo, who's expression is unreadable. His eyes seemed glossed over for a second before he snaps back to reality, _he knows that far away look_

He can see the pain that flashes before it's gone completely, masked by cockiness and dry sarcasm.

It's a look he's seen on the hardest nights, the loneliest early mornings when Leonardo would wake up- run to his room in tears with no voice to express the sorrow tearing into his soul. He would wake up at the sound of his whimpering and he would jump to his brother's aid. Where he would then coward and run off as if he had never been there in the first place.

And then when Mikey suggest they all go to Alberto land, the others look away, including Leonardo. Raph can't keep his eyes off of him- the way he's clenching the table cloth like he's too afraid to let go.

He squeezes the cloth like a lifeline with his teeth biting into his lower lip, his eyes dart around the room and he sees the absolute terror that molds into his face; when Leo reaches behind his back for his Ōdachi. Only to remember that Mikey said _"no weapons"_. If he let's go of the table he was condemning himself to falling again. 

When no one volunteers Raph feels the weight of his arm being lifted, Mikey just volunteered him, "wait! Why me?" He snaps at his youngest brother. Mikey doesn't acknowledge his protest but he simply jumps in the air, "alright!" Mikey jumps up, standing on his chair as he announced, "Raph, Draxum, and I are going to Alberto land!" The only one who notices the swift turn as Leo looked to face his older brother with an expression that only one could describe as pure and utter _betrayal,_ was Donatello. 

So when the two brothers and newly, unwanted _"family memeber"_ finally leave Donatello wasn't surprised when his father broke out into a string of curses. Cursing Michelangelo for having a heart bigger than his own body. Condemning Draxum to the worse forms of pain for taking advantage of the youngest for his own protection and then finally the most hurtful one, cursing the very life he had. 

Calling himself a fool for falling for the woman in a dashing purple dress, with silk hair and a strikingly beautiful but evil face. 

Donatello was more then ready to leave and head back to the lair, maybe to doze off on his phone for a few hours, maybe go on a junkyard run with Shelldon. He noticed how Leo was still clinging to the table long after the others had left. 

He sighs deeply, dozing off on his phone and junkyard runs pushed to the back of his mind. He had someone who needed him now more then ever, he wasn't going to let him down. Not when Donatello needed the same solace as Leo, to know that he wasn't a bad person for not trusting Draxum and that their hostility towards the yokai was not unjustified. _Forgiveness was for yourself, not for the person who hurt you, right?_ But perhaps his brother needed more then a simple pep talk about how he had no reason to feel bad. 

He sees from the kitchen that April is giving him a questionable look, he waves his hand at her letting her know he'll take care of Leo. She nods, she turns back into the kitchen when pops lets out more colorful wording. An unspoken agreement between the two best friends, he would take care of Leo, she would take to his dad. Pulling up a chair Donnie sits next to Leo but is mindful of his brother's state and gives him a few feet of distance. 

Quietly, just barely above a whisper Donatello tries to bring him back, "what's on your mind 'Nardo?" Leo doesn't look at him, his eyes unfocused but still mange to be trained on his untouched food, the table cloth soaking in his sweat and Donnie's at a loss. This wasn't the first time he's stumbled upon Leonardo like this, but still the experiences left him feeling uneasy and off balance. It felt like he was intruding, it was a complete invasion of Leonardo's privacy. 

Quick Donnie think- _what does Leo usually do when you've had your panic attacks?_ He usually tells him to breathe, but Leo's breathing just fine! He just looks, _gone._ Like he's not mentally there, there's something playing over and over in his head and Donatello wants nothing more in the world at the moment to just understand his younger brother. 

_What about, counting?_ This isn't a panic attack, or at least it doesn't look like one. He furrows his eyebrows trying to concentrate, his head was getting too loud for his own liking and Leo's silence was nerve wrecking. _Maybe you could ask him questions, simple ones? He did that for you a couple weeks ago didn't he?_ Yeah, he did.

"What's your name?" He breaks the silence and he sees Leo's fingers twitch ever so slightly.

"Leonardo," he whispers almost inaudibly. 

Good, that's good. "How old are you?" Donnie leans forward slightly to listen to his brother.

"Fourteen," Leo's fingers tighten their hold onto the table cloth and Donnie swallows thickly.

_He's losing him._

"How many brothers do you have?" A flex of his jaw and eyes dart over to him, "three." 

"Donatello's your favorite right?" 

It was after the Shredder's three day reign had been put to an end. 

He remembers the blade like teeth ripping into his battle shell like an _animal._ His inventions being completely devoured and destroyed by the unstoppable force of the Shredder.

His battle shell had caved in and teeth dug into his soft shell and he screamed for his brothers, cried because the pain was so _blinding._

He thought he was going to die, he accepted the fate immediately after the monster had tore apart his only source of protection. Leo wasn't there to treat his wounded back, he bled so much and Raph nearly had a heart attack, he had never seen Mikey cry so hard. But Leo came back- with a _solution_ and that was saying more they the rest of them.

They defeated the Shredder because Leo was able to get aid from Big Mama, an unlikely ally. If one could even call her that, Donnie certainly didn't. 

But after three solid days of fighting they finally, _finally_ caught a break. Big Mama disposed of the Shredder sending him back to his prison dimension and Leo boasted for the next few days how he was now the new Battle Nexus champion and Mikey was so impressed- they were even able to go and find footage of Leo's performance in the Hidden City. Some called him a One Hit Wonder, but his brother never let that bother him. 

He had his bragging rights and that's all that had mattered in the moment.

And they all went along with it, Mikey who put Leo on a new pedestal and his eyes would shine whenever Leo entered the room, "my big brother is the Battle Nexus champion!" And Raph had no place to argue or discourage their actions, knowing Leo this was his best way of handling the aftermath. 

That was just how he had coped, or at least that's what Donnie had initially thought to be the case. 

It's about four days after the Shredder was defeated that the nightmares started to show their ugly faces. And Maybe that's when Leo stopped gloating about his victory and new title, because he had said something he shouldn't have said and even though he never voiced it, he blamed his little brother for something he had _no_ control over. And he hated himself for that.

_Teeth. Razor sharp teeth. And claws, and blood._

_And he was screaming for his brothers- crying, begging and sobbing like a child-_ you are a child. 

He's paralyzed by terror when he's mangled and abused body is picked up by the jaws of the beast, _"no! S-stop!"_ The Shredder violently shakes him like he's a dogs chew toy, _"R-Raph! Mike-y!"_ He cries out but they're not able to help- not able to hear him.

_Because they're lying ten feet away from him, in giant puddles of red and April oh God- "April!"_

He feels hands on his body, trying to pry him from the jaws of the Shredder. 

_"...nie!.."_ He hears shouting- it's right next to him but everywhere at the same time. "No.." He cries trying to struggle further, "get off of me!" 

_"do..n! You gotta wake up!"_

Wake up! Wake up! He _wishes_ he could wake up from this horrible nightmare. This _\- it wasn't enough._ I wasn't enough. 

There's a burning sensation against his face and it snaps him out of his trance- Donatello lurches forward gasping for air and the turtle in front of him flinched back a bit but immediately regained his composure, "easy there Donald, easy. It's just me," Leo offers him a tiny smile but he can't speak, he can't speak _hecan'tspeakhecan'tbreathehecan'thecan'theCAN'T_

 _"_ woah! Woah, shit. Okay umm," Leo's eyes dart left and right around his room as he tries to find Donnie's go to comfort- _bingo!_ Shuffling off of his brother's bed Leo quickly picks up the purple sweater that they all know and Donnie loved. He rushes back over to him and carefully places the article of clothing in Donatello's lap, who immediately seized the beloved item and struggled to put it on. 

He felt, better, _safer_ with it on. Like the Shredder wouldn't manifest from his dreams and actually tear him apart again- like this simple sweater could save his life. _In a way it has before._ "Hey deep breath okay? Can you do that for me?" 

Just one? Yeah, yeah he could do that he supposed. _He inhales deeply._ "Good job, you're doing great, now out for four seconds." 

Four seconds. Got it.

_He exhales._

One. Two. Three. Four.

"One more time," the voice encouraged and Donnie doesn't have it in his heart to deny them because they sounded so hopeful. _Mikey probably stumbled across my room and heard me._

 _He inhales._ "Awesome Donnie, you're doing great, now out for four seconds again." 

_He exhales._

One. Two. Three. Four.

" _Do you know your name_?" What kind of question was that? Of course he did! He nods, "Donatello." He mumbles, " _do you know how old you are?"_ He nods again, "I'm fourteen." 

_"How many brothers do you have?"_

"Three." 

_"Leonardo's your favorite right?"_

"Ye..s?" He wipes at his eyes, drowsy from sleep and confusion he looks to the turtle next to him. _Definitely not Mikey._ "I take that back," he grumbles with an eye roll and Leo just smiles at him.

"You good Don?" Hesitantly Leo places a hand on his shoulder and he can't stop the flinch or the groan of pain that he lets out. " _Oh my God-_ are you okay?" Leo's in front of him now, trying to remove his sweater to see what was wrong, "Leo- I'm fine st-" he starts to protest but Leo was a quick worker especially when it came to treating their injuries. The sweater slips off of him and is tossed to the side, forgotten by the medic as he forces his brother to lean forward to inspect.

Leonardo feels a lump form in his throat, the sight in front of him causing his mouth to tighten. Anything he would have said died on his tongue as it dried out. 

On Donatello's shoulder- connected to his soft shell was a huge bite mark, scratches and dried blood and pus, _it was infected._

 _"_ Why didn't you tell me about this," he practically yells not caring if he woke up his dad or the others. "Donatello," Leo snarls, full naming him. " _You_ are supposed to be the smart one! Not the dumbass who hides his injuries! I have enough of that with Raph I don't need you added to that list."

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Not that big of a deal? _Not that big of a deal?_ Do you even hear yourself right now?" Leo snaps and Donatello is at a loss for words. It was rare for Leo to snap but he couldn't blame him, he'd be pissed off too if he were in Leo's capable shoes. But when Leo sees Donnie's face he understands that his brother is being dead _serious._

Leo extends both his hands out, "okay come on. Up." He states and Donnie gives him a confused look, "what?"

"Get up, I can't treat your shell in your room," Donnie extends his hands and Leo helps him up and Leo guides them over to the bathroom. "Run some warm water in the tub, I'm gonna go grab my first aid kit," Donnie can't find it in himself to say anything back, he just nods and Leo gives him one last look before leaving the room. 

The next ten minutes or so had been a blur, but here he was laying on his plastron in warm water and it felt _amazing._ He didn't even realize how dehydrated his skin was until he began to soak up most of the water, having to refill the tub a second time. Leo made multiple trips in the bathroom, first he brought his first aid kit, next he brought two mugs. One for him and one for Donnie, "Two cream no sugar?" He had asked and Leo set the mug on the rim of the tub for him.

 _"_ Two cream, no sugar," his brother confirmed taking a sip of the hot chocolate he had made for himself. Not exactly having the "acquired taste" for coffee as Donnie had put it. After his sip he set the mug on the counter and opened the his kit. He let's out an annoyed grumble, "what's wrong?" Donnie pokes his head up and Leo just sighs.

"I'm low on supplies again, our run in with the Shredder really ate up my kit." Donatello had no doubt in his mind about that. "I'll have to go on a run soon or see if April can get me another one of those fancy National Guard first aid kits." That one had proved to be the most advanced for them, tourniquets, combat gauze, plenty of things that were used for field work and treatment. It was one of Leo's favorite presents from April.

"I can see if she can get you another one of those," he suggested and Leo just shrugs, "I've got other things to worry about at the moment then another kit," there's a smirk and Donnie rolls his eyes only feeling slightly guilty. He hears Leo shuffling around in his kit before placing a bottle of peroxide on the rim of the tub, tweezers and cotton balls. _This was going to suck._

" _Ow-_ Hey! Be careful," Donnie snaps at his brother. They've been at it for about ten minutes and the more Leo dabbed the peroxide against his shell the more it burn and the more Donnie complained the more annoyed Leo was getting. "I'm trying, _maybe_ if someone had come to me sooner about his shell instead of hiding it, it wouldn't be infected and it wouldn't hurt as much hmm?"

Donnie looks away, he rolls his eyes and crosses his arms continuing to soak in the water, trying to ignore the burning in his shoulder and shell. God all of this was so stupid, he shouldn't be mad at Leo when he was right. He should have gone to him about his shell, he shouldn't have tried to keep it quiet. Raph had tried to convince him to just let Leo take a look at but he was being stubborn. 

He was angry at Leo for ditching them to have a good time with Big Mama and pops at the Battle Nexus. Becoming the Battle Nexus Champion, getting a super cool Lou Jitsu costume and him and dad were _matching. That was their thing._ He was angry at Leo during that entire day and a half that he was gone, and Raph making him face the Shredder to put a stupid hanky on the monster's eyes only made him more angry- he was hurt, badly and Leo barley had any scratches on him. And then Leo put that demonic dog collar thing on the Shredder and the monster collapsed into a heap of metal, lifeless. 

"Stop that," Leo's voice breaks him from his bitter thoughts and he looks up at his brother with a skeptical glare. "I'm not even doing anything," Donnie states and Leo just shakes his head as he pours a dab of peroxide onto a new cotton ball. 

"I can practically see the cogs turning in that head of yours Donald, you're over thinking things." Leo gives him a smug smolder, and Donnie just huffs looking away. _He hated it when Leo was right._

He feels the soft press of the cotton ball push onto his shell and he hisses. He hates this, he hates his shell, he hates Leo for being right and he hates Leo _and he hates Leo fo_ _r not being there._ His eyes are burning again and he has to bite his lip to stifle a hiccup but his shoulders are shaking and Leo catches on because _of course_ he does.

"Donnie? Are you okay?" He feels Leo place his hand on his uninjured shoulder and he shivers against the touch and just like clockwork the touch is gone. "Okay, you don't want to be touched, that's fine. Can I have you sit up for me?" He nods, sitting up he turns to face his brother, "I'm sorry." 

Leo just shakes his head, "shush you ain't got nothing to be sorry about buddy. I'm gonna let you soak for a few more minutes but after that we really gotta finish cleaning your shell and then I'll wrap it. And then we can go and watch some Jupiter Jim movies and eat junk food yeah?" 

_That sounded nice._ Donatello finds himself nodding and leans carefully against the wall. Leonardo was his younger brother, even if they're both the same age he was younger, acted like it, looked like it, everything about Leo just screamed he was a kid. He was a pain in the ass, obnoxiously loud and sometimes, _most of the time,_ narcissistic; but he had a good heart. 

A heart that would rather worry about anyone else but himself. 

Donnie slowly looks up, opening his eyes and finds he's no longer in the bathroom of their lair- he's back in Baron Draxum's apartment and Leo is looking at him concerned. 

"You alright Donald?" His smile is toothy but he can see how tight his lips are, the corners of his mouth twitch and there's a wet gloss over his eyes like he's about to cry himself. "Don't worry about me," he whispers back and Leo looks unsure. "If you're sure," he whispers looking back at his untouched food, "I don't think I can finish dinner." He whispers and Donnie nods, "that's fine, you wanna head back to the lair."

Leo just nods. 

The trip back home felt like a blur to the both of them. They didn't want to risk ripping their clothing but then again the meaning of their attire was completely ruined. _Mikey had tricked them_ , Leo had come to realize. 

He had tricked them into dressing up, having their dad make his famous green bean casserole, and convinced them to leave their _weapons_ behind, to meet April's parents. Only surprise, surprise! It's your sworn enemy who your little brother has been hanging out with for only God knows how long. 

Knowing that, it just didn't sit right in Leo's stomach. 

He felt queasy, clammy with sweat, angry and betrayed. 

Did Mikey even _care_ that Draxum dropped him off of a building? 

Did he even care that Draxum has tried to kill them multiple times and even tried to kill humans? 

He hated this.

He felt queasy because of the lack of food he ate- or was it too much food that he ate? He remembers eating, he just doesn't remember how much. His palms were sweaty and his forehead felt wet, no he wasn't _scared._ Hamato Leonardo does _not_ do _"scared"._ He's fine, one hundred and ten percent fine! 

He hated this still. 

Why did Raph have to go with Mikey?

 _Would you really have rather Mikey go with Draxum alone?_ His own thoughts shoot back and Leo feels guilt squeeze his throat.

Because _no,_ Mikey was safer if he was with Raph. 

Mikey, his baby brother who had a heart bigger then the planet itself. Who saw the good in everyone not matter how terrible the person. 

He loved his brothers with all his heart.

But that didn't mean he had to like this.

It didn't mean he'd have to forgive Draxum for the hurt he's caused, the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the tears. 

"You alright 'Nardo?" He looks up blinking as if he were surprised. 

_When had they gotten back to the lair?_

He swallows then nods grimly, "m' okay." There's a small pat on his shell and Donnie walks past him to the kitchen, "go get changed into pajamas, I'm gonna put on a movie." 

He smiles, "Jupiter Jim?"

Donnie doesn't look back at him as he replied, "Jupiter Jim." 

Later that night an exhausted and bruised Raph sluggishly makes his way into the lair with a sleeping Michelangelo in his arms.

He finds his two younger brothers curled up together on the couch pass out. Two half full mugs resting on the coffee table and the credits of a Jupiter Jim movie are rolling.

And he can't help the smile that spreads across his face.

_They were all gonna be alright._

**Author's Note:**

> No Donnie does not hate his brothers! He's just kinda petty.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this it took me a few days to work on and I'm proud of how it turned out! I feel like Draxum got off the hook a bit too easily and his "redemption" feels forced more than anything else. Hopefully he's actually on the turtles' side and not using them for protection. 
> 
> Hope you all have a great day/afternoon/evening/night!
> 
> -Mason.


End file.
